Recently, the powerball hit $575,000,000. People who I thought were full of common sense and aware of the mathematical impossibility of their winning (I believe the odds were one in never ever going to happen) were discussing their yachts, debating the pros and cons of private jets, and making their friends mud-wrestle for the biggest gift.
While I looked on the hoopla with a cynical eye, I wasn't above imagining what I would buy first. It would start with a nicer house, then the requisite presents for the family and loved ones, followed in short order by trips around the world. I've got it planned out.
Notice that in no place do I mention continuing to work or going into Peace Corps. If I had the opportunities that money would afford me, I don't believe that I would be as passionate about PC to travel. I have the utmost respect for people in jobs like mine who come to work in their Mercedes-Benz, who have partners that make more than they could feasibly spend, because if I had those financial freedoms, I doubt I would continue to work. I fantasize about being able to go back for graduate school without the stress of student loans, but if I had the money I don't believe that I would do so.
Virtually all of the volunteering I've done, the giving back, the dedicating myself to a cause, it was to enhance my own experience. It's ultimately selfish: to build opportunities for myself, to push my limits, to learn and grow.
Recently I realized that, with the removal of rent from my monthly bills until I leave, I will have a considerable amount of spare cash. Instead of generosity, I immediately pictured my bank account swelling. I didn't dream up expensive Christmas gifts for my family, but rather expensive shoes for Ghana. The next day I received a number of bills, which pushed away my fantasy of relative wealth. Initially I panicked, creating unrealistic scenarios wherein I ignore the dental bill or survive on ten dollars a week. It was only about an hour later that I realized that the universe was effectively saving me from myself. I am much more generous when I am on a budget. Something about surplus cash brings out the worst kind of miser in me.
I don't know that I've done good in my life. I know that I have tried, that I have volunteered, helped people in crisis, done my best to give when I can. This is why I won't win the lottery; until I become a much more selfless person, any positive impact I could have on the world would be nullified as soon as the check cleared. I am grateful for my bills. I am grateful for the guidance of the universe.
While I looked on the hoopla with a cynical eye, I wasn't above imagining what I would buy first. It would start with a nicer house, then the requisite presents for the family and loved ones, followed in short order by trips around the world. I've got it planned out.
Notice that in no place do I mention continuing to work or going into Peace Corps. If I had the opportunities that money would afford me, I don't believe that I would be as passionate about PC to travel. I have the utmost respect for people in jobs like mine who come to work in their Mercedes-Benz, who have partners that make more than they could feasibly spend, because if I had those financial freedoms, I doubt I would continue to work. I fantasize about being able to go back for graduate school without the stress of student loans, but if I had the money I don't believe that I would do so.
Virtually all of the volunteering I've done, the giving back, the dedicating myself to a cause, it was to enhance my own experience. It's ultimately selfish: to build opportunities for myself, to push my limits, to learn and grow.
Recently I realized that, with the removal of rent from my monthly bills until I leave, I will have a considerable amount of spare cash. Instead of generosity, I immediately pictured my bank account swelling. I didn't dream up expensive Christmas gifts for my family, but rather expensive shoes for Ghana. The next day I received a number of bills, which pushed away my fantasy of relative wealth. Initially I panicked, creating unrealistic scenarios wherein I ignore the dental bill or survive on ten dollars a week. It was only about an hour later that I realized that the universe was effectively saving me from myself. I am much more generous when I am on a budget. Something about surplus cash brings out the worst kind of miser in me.
I don't know that I've done good in my life. I know that I have tried, that I have volunteered, helped people in crisis, done my best to give when I can. This is why I won't win the lottery; until I become a much more selfless person, any positive impact I could have on the world would be nullified as soon as the check cleared. I am grateful for my bills. I am grateful for the guidance of the universe.
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